Food for Thought…….

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    Why do “old” jokes have an edge of reality about them!!!  ;) :)

    Why I like retirement

    Question: How many days in a week?
    Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

    Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
    Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

    Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
    Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

    Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
    Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

    Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
    Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.

    Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
    Answer: Tied shoes.

    Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
    Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

    Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
    Answer: NUTS!

    Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
    Answer: Normal .

    Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
    Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

    And, my very favourite….
    QUESTION: What do you do all week?
    Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING. Saturday & Sunday, I rest.


    Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
    'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied….
    'Two years older than me'
    'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
    She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

    Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
    'And what do you think is the best thing
    about being 104?' the reporter asked…
    She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

    The nice thing about being senile is
    you can hide your own Easter eggs
    and have fun finding them.

    I've sure gotten old!
    I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate
    cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind,
    can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
    take 40 different medications that
    make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
    blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
    Have poor circulation; hardly feel my
    hands and feet anymore. Can't remember
    if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.
    But, thank God, I still have my driver's license

    I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to
    join a fitness club and start exercising.
    I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
    I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and
    down, and perspired for an hour. But,
    by the time I got my leotards on,
    the class was over.

    My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
    Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

    Know how to prevent sagging?
    Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

    It's scary when you start making the same
    noises as your coffee maker.

    These days about half the stuff in my
    shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'

    Grant me the senility to forget the people
    I never liked anyway, the good fortune
    to run into the ones I do, and the
    eyesight to tell the difference.


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